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The Paradox of Healing
When my cousin Roland spoke these simple words at a funeral dinner - "You Gotta’ Hurt to Heal" - it struck me as profoundly true. As a thought leader working with women over 50, I've observed how we often resist pain, not realizing that this resistance itself keeps us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us. This resistance becomes a form of self-protection that ultimately prevents our evolution into our fullest selves.
The irony is that our attempts to avoid pain often create more suffering in the long run. We stay in situations that drain our energy, maintain relationships that diminish our spirit, and accept circumstances that keep us playing small - all because we fear the acute pain of change more than the chronic pain of stagnation.
Age with Power Advantage
Our decades of experience handling life's challenges give us unique wisdom to recognize healing patterns
We've developed emotional resilience that younger women haven't yet acquired
Our life perspective allows us to see pain as temporary rather than permanent
We have a deeper understanding of our own strength and recovery capacity
Our maturity helps us distinguish between necessary pain and unnecessary suffering
The Courage to Feel
Think about a physical wound - a cut on your finger. The pain signals that healing is needed. Our emotional wounds work the same way. Whether it's grief from losing a loved one, the sting of betrayal, or the shock of unexpected job loss, these hurts aren't just random suffering - they're catalysts for transformation.
Consider the employer who lets you go - they made what they believed was the best decision for their business, even if it felt personal. The loved one who passed away didn't choose to leave to cause you pain. Even those who betrayed or sabotaged you were likely acting from their own wounds and limitations. Understanding this doesn't minimize your pain, but it helps you see it as part of a larger process of growth and transformation.
When we refuse to feel our pain, we also block our capacity for joy, creativity, and authentic connection. It's like putting a thick blanket over all our emotions - yes, it mutes the pain, but it also dulls everything else. This emotional numbness can manifest in various ways:
Chronic indecision and paralysis in making important life changes
Repeated patterns in relationships that never quite fulfill us
A persistent sense of being stuck or living life on autopilot
Physical symptoms that reflect our unprocessed emotional pain
Breaking Free from Fear
Many of us stay in situations that no longer serve us because we're afraid of the pain that change might bring. We remain in unfulfilling relationships, fearing we'll hurt the other person by leaving. This is codependency masquerading as compassion, and it keeps us trapped in a cycle of continuous, low-grade suffering instead of the acute but temporary pain of necessary change.
The truth is, staying in situations that diminish our spirit doesn't serve anyone. When we choose growth, even though it hurts, we model courage and authenticity for everyone around us, including those we might temporarily disappoint or inconvenience.
Your Power Shift Protocol
Acknowledge pain as a signal for growth rather than something to avoid
Practice "conscious discomfort" by taking small, calculated risks that challenge your comfort zone
Create a "healing timeline" - document your progress through difficult transitions
Transform your relationship with pain by asking "What is this teaching me?" instead of "Why is this happening to me?"
Develop a "wisdom journal" to track insights gained through challenging experiences
Establish a "growth circle" of trusted friends who support your evolution
Create morning and evening rituals that help you process emotions safely
The Path Through Pain
Healing isn't instant - it's a process that unfolds through stages. Whether we're dealing with grief, betrayal, or loss, we must first accept where we are before we can move forward. This acceptance isn't resignation; it's the foundation for transformation.
The Wisdom of Emotional Courage
As women over 50, we've accumulated enough life experience to know that every major breakthrough in our lives came after facing something difficult. Think about your past challenges - the divorce that freed you to find yourself, the job loss that led to your dream career, the friendship ending that made room for more authentic connections.
Each of these experiences required you to feel pain, to move through it rather than around it. And each time you did, you emerged stronger, wiser, and more aligned with your authentic self.
Embracing the Journey
Remember: at this stage of life, you've already overcome numerous challenges. You have the wisdom to know that pain, while uncomfortable, is not your enemy - it's your guide to greater awareness, stronger boundaries, and deeper self-knowledge. Each time you choose to feel fully, to hurt consciously, you're not just healing - you're expanding your capacity for joy, love, and authentic living.
The next time you face a situation that triggers fear of pain, remember this truth: you don't just have to hurt to heal - you get to hurt to heal. It's your birthright as a conscious, evolving woman to feel deeply, heal completely, and emerge more powerfully aligned with your true self.
About the Author
Dr. Diva Verdun, the Fierce Factor Expert and #1 transformative architect on aging, empowers women over 50 to seize their destiny and Age with Power™. Through her signature F.I.R.E.™ methodology and Fenom University, she ignites women's fierce potential to live life on their terms. Follow her on Facebook or Linkedin.
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