The Hidden Path to Unshakeable Confidence

The Confidence Paradox

Have you ever noticed how we chase confidence as if it were something we could simply acquire? As women over 50, we've spent decades seeking that elusive feeling of certainty and self-assurance. We've read countless books, attended seminars, and repeated affirmations in the mirror, hoping confidence would magically appear.

Yet true confidence remains mysteriously out of reach for many of us. Why?

Because we've been looking in the wrong place all along.

Confidence isn't something you find—it's something you build. And the building blocks aren't positive thoughts or pep talks. They're actions and experiences that demonstrate your capabilities to the most important audience of all: yourself.

The Competence Connection

Think back to when you learned to ride a bike. You didn't become confident by thinking about riding or watching others ride. You gained confidence by actually getting on the bike, falling, adjusting, and trying again until you learned what worked.

This is the fundamental truth about confidence that most advice overlooks: Competence precedes confidence.

When you develop skill in any area, confidence naturally follows. It's not about "feeling" confident first and then taking action. It's about taking action, developing competence, and watching confidence emerge as the natural result.

This relationship between competence and confidence transforms how we approach challenges after 50. Instead of asking, "How can I feel more confident about this?" we ask, "How can I become more competent in this area?"

The Competence Continuum

Remember learning to drive? You moved through the four distinct stages of competence:

1. Unconscious Incompetence: When you didn't even know what you didn't know about driving.

2. Conscious Incompetence: When you realized how much you needed to learn.

3. Conscious Competence: When you could drive but had to think about every step.

4. Unconscious Competence: When driving became second nature.

This same pattern applies to any skill you develop. The key insight is that confidence doesn't typically appear until you reach stage three or four. Yet most of us quit in stage two, when we become acutely aware of how much we don't know.

As women who've been crushing it for decades, we've mastered countless skills. Yet when facing new challenges in our 50s and beyond, we often forget this pattern and expect immediate confidence.

Breaking the Confidence Myth

Society has sold us a lie that confidence is something we should inherently possess. This myth is particularly damaging to women over 50, who may feel something is wrong with them if they don't feel immediately confident in new endeavors.

The truth? Confidence isn't a personality trait—it's the natural outcome of demonstrated ability.

Think about areas where you feel genuinely confident. Your confidence didn't come from positive thinking—it came from repeated action, learning from mistakes, and proven competence.

Taking Action: The Competence-Confidence Loop

So how do we apply this insight? By creating a deliberate competence-confidence loop:

1. Choose an area where you want more confidence

2. Break it down into small, learnable skills

3. Practice those skills regularly, focusing on improvement rather than perfection

4. Document your progress

5. Repeat until competence—and confidence—emerge

This approach changes everything. Instead of waiting to "feel confident" before starting a new business, learning technology, or entering a new social circle, you simply focus on building relevant skills. The confidence follows naturally.

Embracing the Learning Zone

There's a sweet spot for building competence—what psychologists call the "learning zone." It's the space just beyond your comfort zone where you're challenged, but not overwhelmed.

For women over 50, this learning zone is particularly powerful. Your mature brain has developed remarkable pattern recognition abilities, allowing you to connect new information to existing knowledge more effectively than younger learners.

When you deliberately place yourself in this learning zone, focusing on incremental skill development rather than perfect performance, you accelerate both competence and confidence.

From Doubt to Dominance

Every woman crushing it after 50 has faced moments of doubt when trying something new. The difference between those who breakthrough and those who retreat lies not in some innate confidence, but in their approach to building competence.

Consider Juliette, a 52-year-old Age with Power community member who wanted to launch a podcast but felt overwhelmed by the technology. Rather than waiting for confidence to magically appear, she identified the specific skills she needed: audio recording, basic editing, and interview techniques.

She is currently working to master one small skill at a time, tracking her progress. She set a targeted date and as she gains more competence I am watching her confidence and excitement grow as he starts sharing her vision with others. She is excited not because she conquered her fear first, but because she is building competence despite her fear.

The Ripple Effect

Here's the fascinating thing about the competence-confidence connection: it creates a ripple effect. As you build competence in one area, the resulting confidence often spills into other parts of your life.

This is what makes the competence approach so powerful for women over 50. You don't need to rebuild confidence from scratch in every area. As you deliberately develop competence in select areas, your overall confidence rises, creating momentum that carries you into new challenges.

Conclusion: Your Confident Future

As you move forward in your journey of aging with power, remember that true confidence isn't found in a motivational quote or affirmation. It's built through deliberate action, skill development, and the recognition of your growing competence.

The next time you feel that familiar hesitation before a new challenge, shift your focus from "How can I feel more confident?" to "What specific skills can I develop to become more competent?"

This simple shift—from seeking confidence to building competence—will transform how you approach every aspect of your life after 50. And the confidence you've been seeking? It will emerge naturally, as it always has, from the foundation of competence you build with each deliberate action.

Your greatest confidence is waiting on the other side of competence. All you need to do is begin.

About the Author

Dr. Diva Verdun, the Fierce Factor Expert and #1 transformative architect on aging, empowers women over 50 to seize their destiny and Age with Power™. Through her signature F.I.R.E.™ methodology and Fenom University, she ignites women's fierce potential to live life on their terms. Follow her on Facebook or Linkedin.